RWBY Watches Star Wars
by ExactChase
Summary: With the Vytal Festival approaching, Ruby comes to her father for help on a way to let her team unwind. What he gives her is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons... And the foresight to retain international merchandising rights... STAR WARS
1. A New Hope

A Long Time Ago, In a Dorm Room Not Too Far Away…

RWBY

Watches Star Wars

It is a time of great stress at BEACON ACADEMY, the VYTAL FESTIVAL is nearing, and the students are in great distress over such an exciting event. The ATLESIAN MILITARY occupying the surrounding area only seems to add to the stress, serving as a reminder for the very recent BREACH.

TEAM RWBY seems to be the most stressed of all, having recently defeated ROMAN TORCHWICK, their leader looks for a way for her team to unwind. . .

An Atlesian command ship passed overhead, Ozpin's clock tower hiding a great bit of the ship. It slowly revealed itself in its entirety over a few minutes, eclipsing the school below.

Meanwhile, three fourths of Team RWBY sat around their team designated lounge, waiting for their leader to return with her surprise. The door suddenly flew open with a splintering crack. The three jumped, and the intruder shouted, "Attention, Team RWBY~!" The naturally high pitched voice was familiar to them, as it was their leader's.

"Whatcha got there, Rubes?" Yang asked, resting her feet on the empty cushion of the couch.

"Well!" Ruby said, drawing out the word. "I asked Dad a few days ago if he knew of any movies we could watch, and he mailed me this!" The red head removed her hand from behind her back, and revealed the blu-ray movie in her hand. The three moved closer in order to read the words on the case. On it was a picture of a man in a black mask, with a red blade illuminating him. Beside the blade, "STAR WARS" Was written in big, silver letters. Underneath that, "IV, V, VI" were overlapping, "A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi"

"Wait," Weiss said. "Why does the case say 'four, five, and six'?"

"Oh!" Ruby said, "This came with a note saying something about four more movies, but only one of them is worth watching. He said the first three are prequels, and unnecessary. I called him and asked him what it meant, but he just started using bad words towards a guy named 'George Lucas'. Whoever that is."

"Hmph," Yang said. "The good ones must be really good to get Dad so mad over the bad ones."

"That's what I said!" Ruby agreed.

"Let's just get this over with," Blake mumbled. She wasn't exactly one for sci-fi, and these films were obviously just that.

Ruby either didn't hear this, or didn't pay any attention to it, because she used her semblance to quickly put the first disc into the blu-ray player. Yang put her feet on the floor, a second before Ruby appeared in the seat Yang had her feet resting on. And the four sat on the one couch, Yang on the far left, Ruby to her right, then Weiss, then Blake on the far right.

"I know how you guys are about movies," Ruby said. "So we'll just watch the first twenty minutes, and if you don't like it, then we can turn it off."

The three nodded, and the screen turned green.

 **The following film has been rated**

 **PG**

 **For Sci-Fi Violence**

 **The green screen faded and a few rings appeared on the screen, clips from the movie circled the rings, and a few option appeared at the bottom.** _ **Play, Set up, Search, Commentaries.**_

Ruby pressed the play button and the movie began.

 **The 20th Century Fox intro played, but the music did not end after it disappeared.**

 _ **A LUCASFILM Limited Production.**_

 **The music suddenly stopped, and blue text appeared on a black background.**

 _ **A Long Time Ago In a Galaxy Far, Far Away.**_

 **The text faded and more text suddenly appeared, grand music playing over it.**

The four jumped.

 _ **STAR WARS**_

 **The text floated into the distance, and more text floated up, into frame.**

Ruby read this text out loud, "It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.  
Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy…"

"Sounds interesting," Blake said, sitting up.

"Maybe." Weiss agreed.

 **The awesome yellow planet of Tatooine emerges from a total eclipse, her two moons glowing against the darkness. A tiny silver spacecraft, a Rebel Blockade Runner firing lasers from the back of the ship, races through space. It is pursued by a giant Imperial Star Destroyer. Hundreds of deadly laser bolts streak from the Imperial Stardestroyer, causing the main solar fin of the Rebel craft to disintegrate.**

"Whoa." Ruby said.

 **An explosion rocks the ship as two robots, Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2) and See-Threepio (C-3PO) struggle to make their way through the shaking, bouncing passageway. Both robots are old and battered. Artoo is a short, claw-armed tripod. His face is a mass of computer lights surrounding a radar eye. Threepio, on the other hand, is a tall, slender robot of human proportions. He has a gleaming bronze-like metallic surface of an Art Deco design. Another blast shakes them as they struggle along their way.  
** Ruby quietly squealed at the sight of the droids.

 **THREEPIO:** _Did you hear that? They've shut down the main reactor. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness!  
_ **Rebel troopers brush past the droids and take up positions in the main passageway. They aim their weapons towards the door.**

 **THREEPIO:** _We're doomed!_

"Well, he's dramatic!" Yang declared. The others nodded in agreement.

 **The little R2 unit makes a series of electronic beeps that only another robot could understand.**

"What did he say?" Weiss asked.

"He cursed too much." Yang said. "They had to bleep everything out."

Weiss ignored this and returned her attention back to the TV.

 **THREEPIO:** _There'll be no escape for the Princess this time._

"Princess Leia, I presume." Blake said.

 **Artoo continues making beeping sounds. Tension mounts as loud, metallic latches clank and the scream of heavy equipment is heard moving around the outside hull of the ship.**

"What was that?!" Ruby asked.

 **THREEPIO:** _What's that?!_

"Coincidence."

 **Outside, it is seen that the Star Destroyer is pulling the Blockade Runner into a small, rectangular hangar on the bottom of the ship.**

 **Back inside, the Rebel troopers nervously aim their weapons at the door. Suddenly, a tremendous blast opens a hole in the main passageway and a score of fearsome, armored Stormtroopers make their way into the smoke filled corridor.**

"The bad guys are pretty cool," Yang said, watching her little sister drool over the white armor.

 **In a few minutes, the passageway is ablaze with laser fire. The deadly bolts ricochet in Wild, random patterns, creating large explosions. Stormtroopers scatter and duck behind the storage containers. Laserbolts hit several rebel troopers who scream and stagger through the smoke, holding shattered arms and faces.**

"And bad ass." Yang added to her previous statement.

"They have LASER GUNS!" Ruby shouted. The other three winced at the sudden outburst, but silence soon fell upon the four.

 **An explosion hits near the robots.**

 **THREEPIO:** _I should have known better than to trust the logic of a half-sized thermocapsulary dehousing assister._

 **Artoo counters with an angry rebuttal as the battle rages around the two hapless robots.**

 **The awesome, seven foot tall Dark Lord of the Sith makes his way into the blinding light of the main hallway. Darth Vader. His face is covered by his black robes and breathing mask, which stands out against the fascist, white armor of the Stormtroopers. Bodies litter the ground, but he walks past them without a second glance.**

A chill ran down RWBY's spines as this guy walked on screen. He was both terrifying and cool to the four girls, but they did not speak out of the small fear rising up.

 **Somewhere else on the ship, a woman slides a card into Artoo's dome. Artoo beeps.**

 **Threepio stands in a nearby hallway, somewhat bewildered. Artoo is nowhere in sight. The pitiful screams of the rebel soldiers can be heard in the distance.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Artoo! Artoo-Detoo, where are you?_

 **A familiar clanking attacks his attention and he spots Artoo at the end of the hallway in a smoke covered alcove. A beautiful woman stands in front of Artoo. Surreal and out of place, dreamlike and half hidden in the smoke, she finishes adjusting something on Artoo's face, then watches as the little robot joins his companion.**

"Aw." Ruby said. "It's like watching two little puppies."

 **THREEPIO:** _At last! Where have you been?_

 **Stormtroopers can be heard battling in the distance.**

"Oh no!" Ruby said.

 **THREEPIO:** _They're heading this direction! What are we going to do? We'll be sent to the space mine of Kessel, or smashed into who knows what!_

 **Artoo slides past his bronze friend, and races down the sub hallway. Threepio chases after him.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Wait a minute, where are you going?_

 **Artoo beeps in response.**

 _ **Cut to:**_ **Vader standing amongst the broken and twisted bodies of his foes. He holds a rebel officer up by the throat.**

RWBY once again froze up at the sight of the Sith Lord for reasons they could not yet comprehend.

 **An Imperial officer rushed to Vader.**

 **OFFICER:** _The Death Star plans are not in the main computer._

 **Vader squeezes the Rebel Officer, who struggles in vain.**

 **VADER:** _What have you done with those plans?_

Vader's voice only added to Team RWBY's fear of the masked man. While they knew he was an actor behind a mask at first, the voice was very deep and metallic. The fear they felt for the man was very minimalistic, being only a tingle in their spines.

 **REBEL OFFICER:** _We intercepted no transmissions. Aaah... This is a consular ship. Were on a diplomatic mission._

"You've got the wrong ship!" Ruby defended the man.

"The text at the beginning said this was the right ship." Weiss told her.

 **VADER:** _If this is a consular ship... where is the Ambassador?_

 **The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out as the Dark Lord begins to squeeze the officer's throat, creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier goes limp. Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall and turns to his troops.**

Ruby looked at the screen in horror, "Look what you did, Weiss!" She cried out. "You killed a man!"

"Me?!" Weiss asked. "The man in the mask killed him!"

"But he never would have known about the plans if you hadn't told him!"

"He can't hear me!"

"You don't know that!" Despite the argument having just began, the two girls turned back to the screen.

 **VADER:** Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive!

 **The stormtroopers scurry into the subhallways**.

 **Elsewhere, a young girl huddles in a small alcove as the stormtroopers search through the ship. She is Princess Leia Organa, a member of the Alderaan Senate. The fear in her eyes slowly gives way to anger as the muted crushing sounds of the approaching stormtroopers grow louder. One of the troopers spots her.**

 **TROOPER:** _There she is! Set for stun!_

 **Leia steps from her hiding place and blasts a trooper with her laser pistol. She starts to run but is felled by a paralyzing ray. The troopers inspect her inert body.**

 **TROOPER:** _She'll be all right. Inform Lord Vader we have a prisoner._

"We have a name for the scary dude!" Yang declared, throwing her arms in the air. "Lord Vader!"

 **Artoo stops before the small hatch of an emergency lifepod. He snaps the seal on the main latch and a red warning light begins to flash. The stubby astro-robot works his way into the cramped four-man pod.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Hey, you're not permitted in there. It's restricted. You'll be deactivated for sure.._ **Artoo beeps something to him.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease! Now come out before somebody sees you._

 **Artoo whistles something at his reluctant friend regarding the mission he is about to perform.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? I'm not getting in there!_

"Things are gettin' interesting!" Ruby said. "It's a robo-spy movie!"

 **Artoo isn't happy with Threepio's stubbornness, and he beeps and twangs angrily. A new explosion, this time very close, sends dust and debris through the narrow subhallway. Flames lick at Threepio and, after a flurry of electronic swearing from Artoo, the lanky robot jumps into the lifepod.**

 **THREEPIO:** _I'm going to regret this._

"This guy seems familiar…" Yang said, staring at Weiss. Ruby snickered, and Blake smiled at her partner's joke.

"Oh, shut up." Weiss said.

 **On the main viewscreen of the Star Destroyer, the lifepod carrying the two terrified robots speeds away from the stricken Rebel spacecraft.**

 **CHIEF PILOT:** _There goes another one._ **CAPTAIN:** _Hold your fire. There are no life forms. It must have been short- circuited._

"Are they charging by the laser?" Weiss asked.

"You don't do the budget, Terry!" Blake joked, shocking the others. "I do!"

The three laughed at the faunas' joke, and returned to the classic film.

 **Artoo and Threepio look out at the receding Imperial starship. Stars circle as the pod rotates through the galaxy.**

 **THREEPIO:** _That's funny, the damage doesn't look as bad from out here._

 **Artoo beeps an assuring response.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Are you sure this things safe?_

 **Princess Leia is led down a low-ceilinged hallway by a squad of armored stormtroopers. Her hands are bound and she is brutally shoved when she is unable to keep up with the briskly marching troops. They stop in a smoky hallway as Darth Vader emerges from the shadows. The sinister Dark Lord stares hard at the frail young senator, but she doesn't move.**

 **LEIA:** _Lord Vader, I should have known. Only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit for this, when they hear you've attacked a diplomatic…_

 **VADER:** _Don't play games with me, Your Highness. You weren't on any mercy mission this time. You passed directly through a restricted system. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you._

"She's telling the truth!" Ruby shouted, glaring at Weiss.

 **LEIA:** _I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan…_

 **VADER:** _You're a part of the Rebel Alliance... and a traitor. Take her away!_

"No!" Ruby wasn't happy about Vader's resilience.

"I didn't do anything this time!" Weiss reminded the younger girl.

"You told him earlier. You're part of the Empire and a traitor! Take her away!" Ruby said, grinning. Yang high fived her for the joke and they returned their attention to the screen.

 **Leia is marched away down the hallway and into the smoldering hole blasted in the side of the ship. An Imperial Commander turns to Vader.**

 **COMMANDER:** _Holding her is dangerous. If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the Rebellion in the senate._ **VADER:** _I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to find their secret base!_

"Secret bases are a lot harder to find than you'd think." Blake said. "She'll die before she tells you anything."

 **COMMANDER:** _She'll die before she tells you anything._

Yang laughed at loud, and Ruby curiously looked at Blake, while Weiss was indifferent on the subject.

 **VADER:** _Leave that to me. Send a distress signal and then inform the senate that all aboard were killed!_

 **Another Imperial Officer approaches Vader and the Commander. They stop and snap to attention.**

 **SECOND OFFICER:** _Lord Vader, the battle station plans are not aboard this ship! And no transmissions were made. An escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting, but no life forms were aboard._

 **Vader turns to the Commander.**

 **VADER:** _She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally, Commander. There'll be no one to stop us this time._

 **COMMANDER:** _Yes, sir._

Ruby quickly hit the pause button, and turned to the others, "I don't know if it's been twenty minutes, I think it's been like fifteen. But do you guys want to continue?"

The others nodded, having gotten into the film. Ruby nodded, "Alright then! Let's get some snacks and continue with Star Wars Episode Four: A New Hope!"


	2. A New Hope: Part 2

**A/N: I know I just posted the first chapter today, but I had all but one line written for this, and figured why not! So, to start off this A/N, I'm gonna explain what this fic is going to do. The point of this is to have RWBY watch the Original Trilogy as well as the new trilogies and stand-alones. The only movies I will disclude are the prequels and The Clone Wars. Thank you both for the positive feedback, I will continue this fic whether people read it or not!**

Most of Team RWBY had returned to the couch, but Ruby herself had not. She was still in the small kitchen the lounge had, stocking up on strawberries and cookies. When she did return to the couch, she did it in a way that impressed even the Ice Queen. Ruby, without dropping her snack, vaulted over the back of the couch with her feet barely missing the top of Yang's head. And when she landed, she was sitting normally with her snacks in her lap. The other three gaped at the girl until she began to look for the remote. She soon spotted it on the entertainment center a few feet away. She sighed in frustration and began to get up.

"I got it." Blake told her, getting up herself and grabbing the remote. Why? Because let's be honest, we've all been in Ruby's position.

 **The Imperial Star Destroyer comes over the surface of the planet Tatooine, but it immediately cuts to Jundland, or "No Man's Land", where the rugged desert mesas meet the foreboding dune sea. The two helpless astro-droids kick up clouds of sand as they leave the lifepod and clumsily work their way across the desert wasteland. The lifepod in the distance rests half buried in the sand.**

 **THREEPIO:** _How did I get into this mess? I really don't know how. We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life._

"Poor guy." Yang said, surprising her teammates with her seemingly genuine sympathy for the bronze man.

 **Artoo answers with beeping sounds. THREEPIO:** _I've got to rest before I fall apart. My joints are almost frozen._

 **Artoo continues to respond with beeping sounds.**

 **THREEPIO:** _What a desolate place this is._

 **Suddenly Artoo whistles, makes a sharp right turn and starts off in the direction of the rocky desert mesas. Threepio stops and yells at him.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Where are you going?_

 **A stream of electronic noises pours forth from the small robot.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Well, I'm not going that way. It's much too rocky. This way is much easier._

"The right way is never the easiest." Ruby remarked before tossing a cookie into her mouth.

 **Artoo counters with a long whistle.**

 **THREEPIO:** _What makes you think there are settlements over there?_

 **Artoo continues to make beeping sounds.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Don't get technical with me._

 **Artoo continues to make beeping sounds.**

 **THREEPIO:** What mission? What are you talking about? I've had just about enough of you! Go that way! You'll be malfunctioning within a day, you nearsighted scrap pile!

 **Threepio gives the little robot a kick and starts off in the direction of the vast dune sea.**

"Don't be mean!" Ruby shouted at Threepio.

"Artoo is right." Blake said. "He needs to get those plans to the rebels so they can take infiltrate the Death Star."

"Doesn't mean they can be rude to each other!" Ruby countered.

"Both of you are right." Weiss said, ending the argument.

 **THREEPIO:** _And don't let me catch you following me begging for help, because you won't get it._

 **Artoo's reply is a rather rude sound. He turns and trudges off in the direction of the towering mesas.**

 **THREEPIO:** _No more adventures. I'm not going that way._

Blake snorted. "Bilbo Baggins much?"

"Who?" Yang asked.

"It's a book."

"Oh."

 **Artoo beeps to himself as he makes his way toward the distant mountains.**

 **Threepio, hot and tired, struggles up over the ridge of a dune; only to find more dunes, which seem to go on for endless miles. He looks back in the direction of the now distant rock mesas.**

 **THREEPIO:** _That malfunctioning little twerp. This is all his fault! He tricked me into going this way, but he'll do no better._

"Artoo would never do that!" Ruby tried to say.

 **In a huff of anger and frustration, Threepio knocks the sand from his joints. His plight seems hopeless, when a glint of reflected light in the distance reveals an object moving towards him.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Wait, what's that? A transport! I'm saved!_

"What about your little buddy?" Yang spoke for Ruby this time.

 **The bronze android waves frantically and yells at the approaching transport.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Over here! Help! Please, help!_

 **The gargantuan rock formations are shrouded in a strange foreboding mist and the onimous sounds of unearthly creatures fill the air. Artoo moves cautiously through the creepy rock canyon, inadvertently making a loud clicking noise as he goes. He hears a distant, hard, metallic sound and stops for a moment. Convinced he is alone, he continues on his way. In the distance, a pebble tumbles down the steep canyon wall and a small dark figure darts into the shadows. A little further up the canyon a slight flicker of light reveals a pair of eyes in the dark recesses only a few feet from the narrow path. The unsuspecting robot waddles along the rugged trail until suddenly, out of nowhere, a powerful magnetic ray shoots out of the rocks and engulfs him in an eerie glow. He manages one short electronic squeak before he topples over onto his back.**

"Oh no!" All four of them cried out. They were getting into this movie.

 **His bright computer lights flicker off, then on, then off again. Out of the rocks scurry three Jawas, no taller than Artoo. They holster strange and complex weapons as they cautiously approach the robot. They wear grubby cloaks and their faces are shrouded so only their glowing eyes can be seen. They hiss and make odd guttural sounds as they heave the heavy robot onto their shoulders and carry him off down the trail.**

 **The eight Jawas carry Artoo out of the canyon to a huge tank- like vehicle the size of a four-story house. They weld a small disk on the side of Artoo and then put him under a large tube on the side of the vehicle and the little robot is sucked into the giant machine. The filthy little Jawas scurry like rats up small ladders and enter the main cabin of the behemoth transport.**

"What are they doing?" Weiss mumbled.

"They're scavengers." Blake said. "Probably gonna sell him for scrap."

"Oh no!" Ruby cried out.

 **It is dim inside the hold area of the Sandcrawler. Artoo switches on a small floodlight on his forehead and stumbles around the scrap heap. The narrow beam swings across rusty metal rocket parts and an array of grotesquely twisted and maimed astro-robots. He lets out a pathetic electronic whimper and stumbles off toward what appears to be a door at the end of the chamber.**

"Yep." Blake said. "Gonna get sold."

"While the other guy gets to be safe?" Ruby huffed.

 **Artoo enters a wide room with a four-foot ceiling. In the middle of the scrap heap sit a dozen or so robots of various shapes and sizes. Some are engaged in electronic conversation, while others simply mill about. A voice of recognition calls out from the gloom.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Artoo-Detoo! It's you! It's you!_

 **A battered Threepio scrambles up to Artoo and embraces him.**

"Aw~." Yang cooed.

 **The enormous Sandcrawler lumbers off toward the magnificent twin suns, which are slowly setting over a distant mountain ridge.**

"Two Suns?" Weiss asked. "No wonder it's so hot there."

"No kidding." Yang, of all people said.

 **Four Imperial stormtroopers mill about in front of the half- buried lifepod that brought Artoo and Threepio to Tatooine. A trooper yells to an officer some distance away.**

 **FIRST TROOPER:** _Someone was in the pod. The tracks go off in this direction._

 **A second trooper picks a small bit of metal out of the sand and gives it to the first trooper.**

 **SECOND TROOPER:** _Look, sir - droids._

"They're onto them!" Ruby exclaimed, worried for her droid "friends".


	3. A New Hope: Part 3

**A/N: Don't be expecting an A/N at the beginning of every chapter, but this one has one. Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm gonna try to upload these chapters as often as possible, because this don't take very long to write! The only problem being; with all this bold shit, I need a computer to upload, but I'm grounded! So by the time this comes out, I will no longer be grounded. For those who are wondering, it is Monday when I'm writing this, and this will probably be going up tomorrow. And then I won't be grounded. I just wanted to let you guys know why I didn't upload a chapter for a whole day.**

 **The Sandcrawler moves slowly down a great sand dune. Inside, Threepio and Artoo noisily bounce along inside the cramped prison chamber. Artoo appears to be shut off.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Wake up! Wake up!_

 **Suddenly the shaking and bouncing of the Sandcrawler stops, creating quite a commotion among the mechanical men. Threepio's fist bangs the head of Artoo whose computer lights pop on as he begins beeping.**

"Be nice!" Ruby said. Her teammates immediately straightened out, having been on the receiving end of a few of Ruby's angry rants about getting along before.

 **At the far end of the long chamber a hatch opens, filling the chamber with blinding white light. a dozen or so Jawas make their way through the odd assortment of robots.**

 **THREEPIO:** _We're doomed._

 **A Jawa starts moving toward them. THREEPIO:** _Do you think they'll melt us down?_

"I hope not…" Ruby nervously murmured.

 **Artoo responds, making beeping sounds.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Will this never end?_

 **The Jawas mutter gibberish as they busily line up their battered captives, including Artoo and Threepio, in front of the enormous Sandcrawler, which is parked beside a small homestead consisting of three large holes in the ground surrounded by several tall moisture vaporators and one small adobe block house. The Jawas scurry around fussing over the robots, straightening them up or brushing some dust from a dented metallic elbow.**

"Gettin' sold!" Blake teased. Ruby immediately turned and glared at her teammate.

 **The shrouded little creatures smell horribly, attracting small insects to the dark areas when their mouths and nostrils should be. Out of the shadows of a dingy side-building limps Owen Lars, a large burly man in his mid-fifties. His reddish eyes are sunken in a dust-covered face. As the farmer carefully inspects each robot, he is closely followed by his slump- shouldered nephew, Luke Skywalker. One of the vile little Jawas walks ahead of the farmer spouting an animated sales pitch in a queer, unintelligible language. A voice calls out from one of the huge holes that form the homestead. Luke goes over to the edge and sees his Aunt Beru standing in the main courtyard.**

 **BERU:** _Luke, tell Owen that if he gets a translator to be sure it speaks Bocce._

 **LUKE:** _It looks like we don't have much of a choice but I'll remind him._

 **Luke returns to his uncle as they look over the equipment for sale with the Jawa leader.**

 **OWEN:** _I have no need for a protocol droid._

 **THREEPIO:(quickly)** _Sir - not in an environment such as this - that's why I've also been programmed for over thirty secondary functions that..._

"Thirty!?" Weiss asked."I can't even learn one secondary language!"

Blake turned to her teammate, "Ich spreche etwa gleich viel wie dieses Gold ficken." She said.

 **OWEN:** _What I really need is a droid that understands the binary language of moisture vaporators._

"What's that?" Yang asked.

"Well," Weiss said. "It's a dessert planet. They need to get water from somewhere."

"Ah. Water farmers."

 **THREEPIO:** _Vaporators! Sir - My first job was programming binary load lifter... very similar to your vaporators. You could say..._

 **OWEN:** _Do you speak Bocce?_

"He understands Artoo!" Ruby told Owen.

 **THREEPIO:** Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language for me... I'm as fluent in Bocce...

 **OWEN:** _All right shut up!_ **(turning to Jawa)** _I'll take this one._

 **THREEPIO:** _Shutting up, sir._

"Aw~" The sisters cooed in unison.

 **OWEN:** _Luke, take these two over to the garage, will you? I want you to have both of them cleaned up before dinner._

 **LUKE:** _But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters..._

"Angsty teen?" Yang asked. "I think we have our main character!"

"And he's the same age as the princess!" Blake pointed out. "Love interests maybe?"

"Nah!" Ruby told them. "I feel like they'll just have a brother and sister kind of relationship."

There was silence for a moment, but it was broken when Yang shouted, "That's crazy talk!"

 **OWEN:** _You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done. Now come on, get to it!_

 **LUKE:** _All right, come on! And the red one, come on. Well, come on, Red, let's go_ **.**

"So he's Roman now?" Ruby asked, earning a kick in the shins from Weiss and Yang.

 **As the Jawas start to lead the three remaining robots back into the Sandcrawler, Artoo lets out a pathetic little beep and starts after his old friend Threepio. He is restrained by a slimy Jawa, who zaps him with a control box. Owen is negotiating with the head Jawa. Luke and the two robots start off for the garage when a plate pops off the head of the red astro-droid's head plate and it sparks wildly.**

 **LUKE:** _Uncle Owen..._

 **OWEN:** _Yeah?_

 **LUKE:** _This R2 unit has a bad motivator. Look!_ **OWEN(to the head Jawa)** _Hey, what're you trying to push on us?_

 **The Jawa goes into a loud spiel. Meanwhile, Artoo has snuck out of line and is moving up and down trying to attract attention. He lets out with a low whistle. Threepio taps Luke on the shoulder.**

 **THREEPIO(pointing to Artoo)** _Excuse me, sir, but that R2 unit is in prime condition. A real bargain._

"He's lookin' out for his buddy!" Ruby pointed out.

 **LUKE:** _Uncle Owen..._

 **OWEN:** _Yeah?_

 **LUKE:** _What about that one?_

 **OWEN(to Jawa)** _What about that blue one? We'll take that one._

 **With a little reluctance the scruffy dwarf trades the damaged astro-droid for Artoo.**

 **LUKE:** _Yeah, take it away_ **.**

 **THREEPIO:** _Uh, I'm quite sure you'll be very pleased with that one, sir. He really is in first-class condition. I've worked with him before. Here he comes._

 **Owen pays off the whining Jawa as Luke and the two robots trudge off toward a grimy homestead entry.**

 **LUKE:** _Okay, let's go._

 **THREEPIO(to Artoo)** _Now, don't you forget this! Why I should stick my neck out for you is quite beyond my capacity!_

"It's because you like him and he's your friend." Ruby said. "Admit it!"


End file.
